so this is a kind of sad post. not sure how to make this an upbeat and funny.
there was a man who was diagnosed with the same cancer i have. he was diagnosed after me (in september). had the initial surgery that i did. he goes to the same doctors i go to, for the most part. the doctors never said they got the entire tumor, which they told me, although they cant say for certain. he had a really bad time with chemo, the same one i am on. it didnt work for him. they put him on another chemo and it made him sick in bed for an entire month. the tumor grew back within a few months. he had a second surgery. he was diagnosed in september of 2010 and he died a few days ago. 12 months almost to the date.
obviously from what i said above, my situation is different for the most part. however, what is not different is that we have the same cancer. i live in this bubble that everything is ok and i think the people around me do it which is the right way to be. the chemo is working for me, the tumor is for the most part gone and i have barely any side effects. but the truth is that its really not "if" the cancer comes back, its "when". at least that is what the doctors have said, although they do say they have never seen a smaller tumor and that they did get all of it that they can see. this should be a huge comfort to me. i am trying really hard to focus on those differences, but it is IMPOSSIBLE to not see myself in him.
i guess the point of this is that cancer sucks and while i am positive and doing all that i can (at least i think) you never know. i still want to live in my bubble, but sometimes it gets holes and pessimism seeps in . i am lucky that my bubble is mostly made of designer bubble material (nothing but the best :) and of course its pink)
and yes angela - i am going to do the brain cancer nutritionist chick. thanks for the nagging :) what are you - jewish! heeeheee
Friday, October 7, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
REGISTER NOW AND A GET A FREE MINI SHIH TZU!!!
Brain Cancer walk is coming up! You dont really get a free mini shih tzu, cause i only know one and if you try to take him i will have to kill you. but it made you read this!!!!
the walk is coming up fast. i also need to figure out the t-shirt situation so, not to nag, but freakin sign up!!!! the way to sign up is heroesofhoperace.kintera.org/plasticcastles
it should be fun. i was thinking we could have a ghetto style picnic on the beach. byo-everything. paperbag 40's, wine coolers. nothing but the best!
i (angela really) is finding out all about the t-shirt thing. she is all creative and shit, and i am just cute and funny ;)
now on to other stuff
first, here is a picture of my mini shih tzu. bask in the cuteness of him
there are many things that this stupid cancer has affected in my life. a few good but mostly bad. well, that isnt true. lets say 75% bad and 25% good. one good thing is that i dont work anymore. stress is the number one bad thing for people going thru chemo. your immune system is shit, non existent, kaput. stress, apparently, is the number one cause of getting sick. well, i sort of made that up, but i do think its up there. considering every doctor and every therapy type person has told me that i need to avoid stress at all costs. im not sure how many of you are lawyers, are dating lawyers, have had to use a lawyer or anything lawyer-esque related - but it is ridiculously stressful. its just too much for someone like me at this point can handle. not only the stress stuff, but i cant work (bc of chemo) a minimum of 7 days a month. that isnt including other doctor appointments and blood tests and MRI's. anyway, point is, i dont work right now. i seem to always be busy but no lawyer shit. that is a positive. i have no money, but i am super duper mucher happier on a daily basis. some people may think it is irresponsible but i would like those people (and i dont mean anyone at all in particular. it may even be me projecting on what i think others are thinking) but if you think that, i will gladly share my daily experiences dealing with this stupid cancer shit. i am sure i can get an extra prescription for chemo..... hopefully none of you will ever have to do this, but if you do, i only hope that you are lucky like me and can take off some time to just get healthy.
some bad things, which some or obvious - chemo, looming death (happy!) blood tests, mri's, sick feelings, having to tell everyone who does any sort of service on my body the cancer issue - this just happened to me yesterday. i had to go to the eye doctor and i had to list all the meds and then i got the sad cancer face. i even have to tell when i get a facial (which is rare these days obviously) some times i feel like lying but something weird would happen to me, like allergic reaction to some lotion or my eyeball pops out or something. random shit always happens to me. anyway, the idea that i can never fill out an initial consult form pretty much anywhere that doesnt have a check cancer box. which just means everyone knows, which i dont care really, but why does the eye care technician have to know that i have a silly dumb brain?
the most recent thing that has really been affecting me on a daily basis is this memory problem. at first i thought it was just chemo brain. i have posted that it is a real thing, according to many very fancy doctors, but i was starting to feel like it is getting much worse. seriously, if you tell me a story, repeat it the next day and it will be like a whole new story. which is why plastic castles is so appropriate! at least i can remember the name.... anyway, my last MRI showed brain damage. i dont think i told that many people about this. it is actual lesions or some doctorly name for grey squirmy looking shit on the mri. basically, it boils down to the fact that my memory will always be like this. it may get a little better once chemo is over (i think one more year but who remembers...) but, the doc said it will probably get worse. she said if it does get worse i can go to a neurotherapist or something who can start me on brain exercises (at least one part of my will be exercising....). i am not joking - i just had to re-read this paragraph to remember what i had said. fun!
another good thing - i can spend more time with the mini shih tzu! and really, how can you put a percentage of happiness on that. although when he permeates the air which is stinky butthole farts, the percentage goes down.
the basic idea of this post is - sign up for the walk! it will be fun. i am not just saying that. i actually think it will be. my goal is to not be the last person across the finish line. but come on, its a brain cancer walk, i am sure there will be the "real" brain cancer people.... for some reason i tend to think i may be faster than the ummm well, more affected, well, now i sound like an ass. nevermind, im fine with being last....
10 TEN BAD WAYS TO TELL FAMILY YOU HAVE CANCER - THIS IS FROM THE WEBSITE CANCER IS NOT FUNNY
#10: Wear an "I've Got Cancer" t-shirt around the house.
#9: Using overly intricate (and thoroughly confusing) means:
-Spouse: Honey, you don't look so well. Are you feeling alright?
-Response: Well, if by 'are' you mean 'do', and if by 'feeling' you mean
'have' and if by 'alright' you mean 'cancer', then the answer is yes, I
most certainly do.
#8: Vanity license plates: [2MR GUY], [KEMO GAL], [IHAVCNCR],[CNCR FITR]
#7: Via text message. ( omg! ive gt cancer. not kewl. :( )
#6: Make your family play connect the dots with some twisted puzzle:
"Ya know, I was thinking...the last time we decided to take a 2nd summer
vacation was the first time that I told you about how I had cancer...
crazy, huh?"
#5: The Relativity Approach:
"Well honey, I got fired from my job for sleeping with the cleaning
lady, who apparently gave me HIV. You should get yourself checked
out ASAP. Ha ha, just kidding about that...by the way, I have cancer.
#4: "Alright everybody, raise your hand if you DON'T have cancer."
(raising your hand at first, then slowly dropping it as everyone watches)
#3: On the Jumbotron at a sporting event.
#2: Through clever subtleties:
Spouse: Do you have Billy's basketball schedule for next week?
Response: I'll tell ya what I don't have...the ability to properly regulate
cell growth and proliferation anymore.
And the #1 worst way to break cancer diagnosis news to your family:
"Knock-knock" ... "who's there?" ... "I have cancer."
one more thing!!!!
go see 50/50. ill write more about it in a while. but c it. now. this minute. you are late!
bye
the walk is coming up fast. i also need to figure out the t-shirt situation so, not to nag, but freakin sign up!!!! the way to sign up is heroesofhoperace.kintera.org/plasticcastles
it should be fun. i was thinking we could have a ghetto style picnic on the beach. byo-everything. paperbag 40's, wine coolers. nothing but the best!
i (angela really) is finding out all about the t-shirt thing. she is all creative and shit, and i am just cute and funny ;)
now on to other stuff
first, here is a picture of my mini shih tzu. bask in the cuteness of him
there are many things that this stupid cancer has affected in my life. a few good but mostly bad. well, that isnt true. lets say 75% bad and 25% good. one good thing is that i dont work anymore. stress is the number one bad thing for people going thru chemo. your immune system is shit, non existent, kaput. stress, apparently, is the number one cause of getting sick. well, i sort of made that up, but i do think its up there. considering every doctor and every therapy type person has told me that i need to avoid stress at all costs. im not sure how many of you are lawyers, are dating lawyers, have had to use a lawyer or anything lawyer-esque related - but it is ridiculously stressful. its just too much for someone like me at this point can handle. not only the stress stuff, but i cant work (bc of chemo) a minimum of 7 days a month. that isnt including other doctor appointments and blood tests and MRI's. anyway, point is, i dont work right now. i seem to always be busy but no lawyer shit. that is a positive. i have no money, but i am super duper mucher happier on a daily basis. some people may think it is irresponsible but i would like those people (and i dont mean anyone at all in particular. it may even be me projecting on what i think others are thinking) but if you think that, i will gladly share my daily experiences dealing with this stupid cancer shit. i am sure i can get an extra prescription for chemo..... hopefully none of you will ever have to do this, but if you do, i only hope that you are lucky like me and can take off some time to just get healthy.
some bad things, which some or obvious - chemo, looming death (happy!) blood tests, mri's, sick feelings, having to tell everyone who does any sort of service on my body the cancer issue - this just happened to me yesterday. i had to go to the eye doctor and i had to list all the meds and then i got the sad cancer face. i even have to tell when i get a facial (which is rare these days obviously) some times i feel like lying but something weird would happen to me, like allergic reaction to some lotion or my eyeball pops out or something. random shit always happens to me. anyway, the idea that i can never fill out an initial consult form pretty much anywhere that doesnt have a check cancer box. which just means everyone knows, which i dont care really, but why does the eye care technician have to know that i have a silly dumb brain?
the most recent thing that has really been affecting me on a daily basis is this memory problem. at first i thought it was just chemo brain. i have posted that it is a real thing, according to many very fancy doctors, but i was starting to feel like it is getting much worse. seriously, if you tell me a story, repeat it the next day and it will be like a whole new story. which is why plastic castles is so appropriate! at least i can remember the name.... anyway, my last MRI showed brain damage. i dont think i told that many people about this. it is actual lesions or some doctorly name for grey squirmy looking shit on the mri. basically, it boils down to the fact that my memory will always be like this. it may get a little better once chemo is over (i think one more year but who remembers...) but, the doc said it will probably get worse. she said if it does get worse i can go to a neurotherapist or something who can start me on brain exercises (at least one part of my will be exercising....). i am not joking - i just had to re-read this paragraph to remember what i had said. fun!
another good thing - i can spend more time with the mini shih tzu! and really, how can you put a percentage of happiness on that. although when he permeates the air which is stinky butthole farts, the percentage goes down.
the basic idea of this post is - sign up for the walk! it will be fun. i am not just saying that. i actually think it will be. my goal is to not be the last person across the finish line. but come on, its a brain cancer walk, i am sure there will be the "real" brain cancer people.... for some reason i tend to think i may be faster than the ummm well, more affected, well, now i sound like an ass. nevermind, im fine with being last....
10 TEN BAD WAYS TO TELL FAMILY YOU HAVE CANCER - THIS IS FROM THE WEBSITE CANCER IS NOT FUNNY
#10: Wear an "I've Got Cancer" t-shirt around the house.
#9: Using overly intricate (and thoroughly confusing) means:
-Spouse: Honey, you don't look so well. Are you feeling alright?
-Response: Well, if by 'are' you mean 'do', and if by 'feeling' you mean
'have' and if by 'alright' you mean 'cancer', then the answer is yes, I
most certainly do.
#8: Vanity license plates: [2MR GUY], [KEMO GAL], [IHAVCNCR],[CNCR FITR]
#7: Via text message. ( omg! ive gt cancer. not kewl. :( )
#6: Make your family play connect the dots with some twisted puzzle:
"Ya know, I was thinking...the last time we decided to take a 2nd summer
vacation was the first time that I told you about how I had cancer...
crazy, huh?"
#5: The Relativity Approach:
"Well honey, I got fired from my job for sleeping with the cleaning
lady, who apparently gave me HIV. You should get yourself checked
out ASAP. Ha ha, just kidding about that...by the way, I have cancer.
#4: "Alright everybody, raise your hand if you DON'T have cancer."
(raising your hand at first, then slowly dropping it as everyone watches)
#3: On the Jumbotron at a sporting event.
#2: Through clever subtleties:
Spouse: Do you have Billy's basketball schedule for next week?
Response: I'll tell ya what I don't have...the ability to properly regulate
cell growth and proliferation anymore.
And the #1 worst way to break cancer diagnosis news to your family:
"Knock-knock" ... "who's there?" ... "I have cancer."
one more thing!!!!
go see 50/50. ill write more about it in a while. but c it. now. this minute. you are late!
bye
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