still in kansas....but ready to celebrate the cancer-versary!

INTERNET MOOCHING CITE - SAGE PRODUCTS, KANSAS

ive already received a bunch of pics (scarily - many dogs and stuffed animals and even a face on a tree).  im really happy today!  one year is over and then only one more year of chemo then i will live forever! well, maybe not forever, that would just be ugly. 
SO send more pics!  its a good way to say, oh, i had to drink on a thursday....

This isnt my favorite top ten since luckily i dont have an HMO, but its still funny

TOP TEN REASONS YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A CHEAP HMO

10. Annual breast exams are conducted at Hooters.

9.  Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
8.  Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
7.  The colon specialist is only available on his days off from Roto-Rooter.
6.  Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "An apple a day."
5.  The used needle receptacles have recycling symbols on them.
4.  Patient responsible for "200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
3.  Your Prozac comes in different colors with little "m's" on them.
2.  The radiation techs are wearing old Stormtrooper costumes.
1.  The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

CANCER-VERSARY!

I'm pretty sure i made the cancer-versary thing up.  but i think it can catch on...

so june 23 is my one year cancer-versary.  i was trying to think of what to do.  i want to celebrate it and each one thereafter.  positivity!  i am going to be in kansas (random i know) so i wont be with all my friends and family.  sooooo - i came up with the idea that whoever wants to celebrate - should have a drink and take a pic and send it to me.  any kind of drink of course, however alcohol is appreciated so i am not the only one...

you can be in the pic or not, you can have your name on the pic or not.  up to you.  tell me what drink you are having too.  i am curious which of my friends are lushes - although i think i have a good idea :)

so there it is, celebrate the cancer-versary with me!  with the statistics as they are, each year is a huge thing to celebrate and who doesnt like a celebration!  its also my half birthday, but well, that doesnt seem as important this year.

yay!

TOP 10 WAYS TO DISRUPT THE WAITING ROOM]

10) ask everyone around you to do things "STAT"
9) offer free prostate exams
8) ask everyone nervously for a spare catheter (just so you know, i do NOT have one)
7) pop a disc in the DVD player of you in an avocado-eating contest
6) supplement blaNd waiting room periodicals with nurse-fetish porn
5) give our best rendition of the dance-floor classic - the naked raptor
4) hold up a sign that reads, "free chemo in the parking lot" (with how much it costs, i may respond to that)
3) initiate a speLLing bee. be unflinchingly cruel with errors (i have no right to criticize others spelling...)
2) leaf through every magazine in the room, shake hands with everyone else, and then say loudly "jesus, this flesh eating scabies itches like a motherfucker"
1) repeatedly refer to the doctor you are waiting for as the "trembling butcher

CARE OF - PLANET CANCER

Back!

INTERNET MOOCHING SITE - Work

Hi!
I know I have chemo brain (please see below :)  but it isnt so bad that i forgot about this blog!  i was actually out of the country (i am fancy pants)  decided to take a trip to italy and some other places.  i have wanted to go forever and since life is short, i decided to go.  best idea ever!  isnt it true that alcohol kills cancer?..... that is what i lived by during the trip, so shut it if it isnt true! 

although it was fun fun fun, i am happy to be home.  i really didnt think about health stuff while i was there except when i got super tired.  walking miles and miles a day would take its toll on most people, but when you are prone to getting tired from sickiness, it is even more likely.  i went on a cruise (yes the average age was probably 50) i was able to relax and have people wait on me while we were cruising.  it was pretty awesome.  too bad my real life doesnt have someone to clean my condo... those who have seen it can attest to the fact that mary poppins i am not. 

now that i am back, i am full steam ahead with plastic castles.  the huerta clan did the brain cancer walk in the bay area and raised a lot of money for the cause. in true san francisco style, there was a drum circle and other stuff that wonderful.  very different from the LA walk.  we walked along manhattan beach and flea from red hot chili peppers was there.  there were super stylish brain cancer people (my self included of course) and food trucks with snooty food that happened to be yummy.  they gave out coconut water, the new healthy drink that will probably be in the new unhealthy drink when more research is done.  i think the brain cancer walk in LA is in September, but dont quote me on that.  i guess i could look it up but i am still on vacation mood and too lazy :)

the trip was and is bookcased between chemo rounds.  i stopped chemo two days before i had to start the trip and i start chemo now tonight.  it worked out perfectly! nice thing to come back to. although, now i have an excuse to be lazy....   also a chemo plus, i will loose the weight i gained while i ate 24 hours a day on my trip!  yay chemo!!!

one thing that i just figured out is that i have chemo two times in june! and i have an MRI at the end of june.  that stinks because i had one in may! not fair! i know it is the same as it always is, but it seems suckier!  oh well, all i have to keep thinking is chemo equals life. and life equals more vacation!

so, i am hoping to file the necessary paperwork for the plastic castles to become a real life thing.  once that happens the work begins.  i am going to rely on the cancer folk i know because of my brother to help me decipher what the fuck im supposed to do as far as raising money and explaining why raising money is important and what research to try and find when i raise gazillion dollars!  so you know who you are, get ready for me to MOOCH!!

anyway - like i said before in early posts, every post will include a top ten list provided by Planet Cancer.

This one is called WHY TO DATE A CANCER PATIENT

10. I’m a cheap date--probably won't be eating much.
9.  No need to take me to expensive restaurants because, if I do eat, it will probably come right back up.
8.  I can be ready in a jiffy--only have to wash crevices. (EWWW)
7.  Recreational drugs are paid for by insurance.
6.  Commitment-phobic? I'm your dream girl.
5.  Great in the sack. (That one would have made the list either way--but really more so now because I'll often already BE in the sack!) (FAMILY, DONT READ THIS! SOME  THINGS ARE BEST NOT SHARED)
4.  You'll always be the pretty one. BULLSHIT,  :)
3.  Strangers will really think you're special and extra compassionate. ( I LIKE TO SAY, YOU ARE DOING YOUR COMMUNITY SERVICE)
2.  You will get first dibs on all my possessions, and since I'm shopping to cover my fear, you'll come out waaay ahead. (MY TV IS PRETTY MUCH ALL I HAVE AND IT HAS BEEN PROMISED TO SOMEONE.  HOWEVER, MY DEBT IS UP FOR GRABS)
1.  With all my wigs, I'll be a different girl every night.

HEEHEE - i like that one. :)