still in kansas....but ready to celebrate the cancer-versary!

INTERNET MOOCHING CITE - SAGE PRODUCTS, KANSAS

ive already received a bunch of pics (scarily - many dogs and stuffed animals and even a face on a tree).  im really happy today!  one year is over and then only one more year of chemo then i will live forever! well, maybe not forever, that would just be ugly. 
SO send more pics!  its a good way to say, oh, i had to drink on a thursday....

This isnt my favorite top ten since luckily i dont have an HMO, but its still funny

TOP TEN REASONS YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A CHEAP HMO

10. Annual breast exams are conducted at Hooters.

9.  Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
8.  Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
7.  The colon specialist is only available on his days off from Roto-Rooter.
6.  Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "An apple a day."
5.  The used needle receptacles have recycling symbols on them.
4.  Patient responsible for "200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
3.  Your Prozac comes in different colors with little "m's" on them.
2.  The radiation techs are wearing old Stormtrooper costumes.
1.  The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

CANCER-VERSARY!

I'm pretty sure i made the cancer-versary thing up.  but i think it can catch on...

so june 23 is my one year cancer-versary.  i was trying to think of what to do.  i want to celebrate it and each one thereafter.  positivity!  i am going to be in kansas (random i know) so i wont be with all my friends and family.  sooooo - i came up with the idea that whoever wants to celebrate - should have a drink and take a pic and send it to me.  any kind of drink of course, however alcohol is appreciated so i am not the only one...

you can be in the pic or not, you can have your name on the pic or not.  up to you.  tell me what drink you are having too.  i am curious which of my friends are lushes - although i think i have a good idea :)

so there it is, celebrate the cancer-versary with me!  with the statistics as they are, each year is a huge thing to celebrate and who doesnt like a celebration!  its also my half birthday, but well, that doesnt seem as important this year.

yay!

TOP 10 WAYS TO DISRUPT THE WAITING ROOM]

10) ask everyone around you to do things "STAT"
9) offer free prostate exams
8) ask everyone nervously for a spare catheter (just so you know, i do NOT have one)
7) pop a disc in the DVD player of you in an avocado-eating contest
6) supplement blaNd waiting room periodicals with nurse-fetish porn
5) give our best rendition of the dance-floor classic - the naked raptor
4) hold up a sign that reads, "free chemo in the parking lot" (with how much it costs, i may respond to that)
3) initiate a speLLing bee. be unflinchingly cruel with errors (i have no right to criticize others spelling...)
2) leaf through every magazine in the room, shake hands with everyone else, and then say loudly "jesus, this flesh eating scabies itches like a motherfucker"
1) repeatedly refer to the doctor you are waiting for as the "trembling butcher

CARE OF - PLANET CANCER

Back!

INTERNET MOOCHING SITE - Work

Hi!
I know I have chemo brain (please see below :)  but it isnt so bad that i forgot about this blog!  i was actually out of the country (i am fancy pants)  decided to take a trip to italy and some other places.  i have wanted to go forever and since life is short, i decided to go.  best idea ever!  isnt it true that alcohol kills cancer?..... that is what i lived by during the trip, so shut it if it isnt true! 

although it was fun fun fun, i am happy to be home.  i really didnt think about health stuff while i was there except when i got super tired.  walking miles and miles a day would take its toll on most people, but when you are prone to getting tired from sickiness, it is even more likely.  i went on a cruise (yes the average age was probably 50) i was able to relax and have people wait on me while we were cruising.  it was pretty awesome.  too bad my real life doesnt have someone to clean my condo... those who have seen it can attest to the fact that mary poppins i am not. 

now that i am back, i am full steam ahead with plastic castles.  the huerta clan did the brain cancer walk in the bay area and raised a lot of money for the cause. in true san francisco style, there was a drum circle and other stuff that wonderful.  very different from the LA walk.  we walked along manhattan beach and flea from red hot chili peppers was there.  there were super stylish brain cancer people (my self included of course) and food trucks with snooty food that happened to be yummy.  they gave out coconut water, the new healthy drink that will probably be in the new unhealthy drink when more research is done.  i think the brain cancer walk in LA is in September, but dont quote me on that.  i guess i could look it up but i am still on vacation mood and too lazy :)

the trip was and is bookcased between chemo rounds.  i stopped chemo two days before i had to start the trip and i start chemo now tonight.  it worked out perfectly! nice thing to come back to. although, now i have an excuse to be lazy....   also a chemo plus, i will loose the weight i gained while i ate 24 hours a day on my trip!  yay chemo!!!

one thing that i just figured out is that i have chemo two times in june! and i have an MRI at the end of june.  that stinks because i had one in may! not fair! i know it is the same as it always is, but it seems suckier!  oh well, all i have to keep thinking is chemo equals life. and life equals more vacation!

so, i am hoping to file the necessary paperwork for the plastic castles to become a real life thing.  once that happens the work begins.  i am going to rely on the cancer folk i know because of my brother to help me decipher what the fuck im supposed to do as far as raising money and explaining why raising money is important and what research to try and find when i raise gazillion dollars!  so you know who you are, get ready for me to MOOCH!!

anyway - like i said before in early posts, every post will include a top ten list provided by Planet Cancer.

This one is called WHY TO DATE A CANCER PATIENT

10. I’m a cheap date--probably won't be eating much.
9.  No need to take me to expensive restaurants because, if I do eat, it will probably come right back up.
8.  I can be ready in a jiffy--only have to wash crevices. (EWWW)
7.  Recreational drugs are paid for by insurance.
6.  Commitment-phobic? I'm your dream girl.
5.  Great in the sack. (That one would have made the list either way--but really more so now because I'll often already BE in the sack!) (FAMILY, DONT READ THIS! SOME  THINGS ARE BEST NOT SHARED)
4.  You'll always be the pretty one. BULLSHIT,  :)
3.  Strangers will really think you're special and extra compassionate. ( I LIKE TO SAY, YOU ARE DOING YOUR COMMUNITY SERVICE)
2.  You will get first dibs on all my possessions, and since I'm shopping to cover my fear, you'll come out waaay ahead. (MY TV IS PRETTY MUCH ALL I HAVE AND IT HAS BEEN PROMISED TO SOMEONE.  HOWEVER, MY DEBT IS UP FOR GRABS)
1.  With all my wigs, I'll be a different girl every night.

HEEHEE - i like that one. :)

#1 TOP TEN

hi
so i have a few cancer books that i went out and bought immediately after getting out of the hospital.

1) crazy sexy cancer (2 different books with the same name)
2) planet cancer
3) everything changes

they are books that deal with my age group.  they use humor to the extreme which is why i love them!
the planet cancer book has lots of top ten lists and i thought i would share one of them in each post.  since i start chemo this week, i thought the one on chemo brain would be appropriate

TOP 10 WAYS TO DEAL WITH CHEMO BRAIN (TRUE TERM)
10) swear to everyone that you were a blond before you lost your hair (in my case - patches - but still counts!)
9) tell people that your brain "temporarily shuts down during chemo to prevent excessive loss of brain cells"
8) spend the next twenty minutes trying to actually remember and articulate #9
7) when your brain gives out and you stumble over a sentence, look the person directly in the eye and say, "did you catch all that"
6) wait, what was a i talking about? (ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVORITES)
5) look at your oncologist and say "whoa! you're treating me for what????"
4) proudly announce, "at least it doesnt affect my ability to drive"! (IGNORE THE FACT THAT I HAVE NO PERIPHERAL VISION ON THE RIGHT SIDE)
3) tell everyone it gives you a chance to live in a man's shoes for a change
2) wait, what was  i talking about?
1) when all else fails, pretend you are having flashbacks from 'nam.  even if you weren't born yet

so chemo brain is so real that the mayo clinic has come up with a list for dealing with chemo brain:

• decrease workload - DONE
• avoid multiple tasks - CANT SEEM TO GET THIS ONE DOWN
• prepare today for tomorrow - TRY
• make lists - I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE A JOKE, BUT I FORGET TO WRITE THINGS ON THE LIST
• sleep more - DONE
• use mnemonics and wordplay - REMINDS ME OF STUDYING FOR THE BAR - NOT GOING TO HAPPEN
• use calendars to record appointments - SEE MAKE LISTS
• color code and label items - I AM A J - AND I STILL WONT DO THAT
• track memory problems in small diaries - SEE MAKE LISTS AND USE CALENDARS
• do crossword puzzles and sudoku - WORDS WITH FRIENDS ROCK

I love that!  it sounds so far-fetched-but it it so freakin true.  very good way of explaining it to someone who hasnt gone through it. 

BRAIN WALK
so apparently we are raising money!  its so fun!  the one in los angeles is, i think, in septemeber.  so since most of you are living in los angeles, i expect your butts to participate.  last year it was right on the beach so even if you hate walking, at least you can see a pretty view!

MRI TIME
so i get MRI every two months.  it sounds like a lot but to be honest, i would get them every month if i could.  seems like, what can grow in a month! so it seems like they would always be good.  unfortunately that doesnt always work
this is the last MRI that i have before my one-year cancerversary (i just made that up!)  it is scary because the stats are so bad that the one year mark is a big mark to survive to.  yay me!
i think that i get lulled into a false sense that everything is always going to be fine.  i had some news that just punches me in the stomach and gets rid of that sense of everything goin to b OK.  there was a guy that a friend knows who got diagnosed with the same cancer in the same month i did.  he is my age and pretty much the only difference is that his tumor was bigger and in a different area in the brain.  he found out at his last MRI that the tumor came back and he had surgery last week.  so there is no security.  they say age is a big factor - but he is my age.  i guess i cant compare myself to him since we are all different.  but of course that is impossible to actually do.
the MRI has to be good because i leave for italy next week and that would suck ass to get bad news before. 

UPDATE ON THE BUS THING BELOW
Angela told me that the comedian Robert Schimmel had cancer and died in a car crash.  so - car crash is OK to say, but still no bus.  no bus.

Brain cancer walk!

There is a brain cancer walk on may 7 in the bay area! The bay area Huerta contingency has set up a team that you can donate thru.
Go to braintumor.org. Click on donate. Search by team name- numb skullz

Weeeeeee!

do's and don'ts of dealing with us sicko people

MOOCHING OF INTERNET SITE - Work (not sure if i should call it former work or work, or place i mooch internet- im working on that)

hello :)
first i want to thank everyone for being nice about this blog.  i am really excited about the non-profit and excited to organize a party :) i like parties

There are a few things i have learned during this past year of cancer life.  I thought I would share them.  if i say something that you have done, just know im not talking about you, you are perfect :)

DON'TS
1) Most imnportant - Don't tell someone with a terminal illness that, "well, i (you) could get hit by a bus tomorrow!) i know this is supposed to make me feel better, showing how bad bus drivers are i guess, but guess what, i could get hit by a bus too! so that makes me doubly fucked.  Yay! also, how many people do you actually know who got hit by a bus and died.  i havent really heard about many but maybe since i live in LA and no one really takes the bus i have a false sense of safety in the bus drivers.  maybe in say san francisco its different.  anyone- no dying bus talk.
2) dont tell someone who is on chemo that they look good.  for the most part it is such a lie! i know i look like shit.  all green and dirty (who has the energy to take a shower when you are filling your body with toxins).  if you tell me i look like shit when i do look like shit, when you tell me i look good, it means so much more.  oh, but you can always tell me i look skinny. heehee
3) dont ever say to someone who is on chemo that "you always seem tired and how could someone be that tired all the time. snap out of it." or say "wow you sleep a lot, you must be lazy" really?  hmmmm i think that one may be self explanatory.  of course sometimes i am lying and i just want you to leave me alone :) just kidding, i think.  but for the most part i am really fucking tired.  again, toxins rushing through this body.  swooshing around in the body.  like if you drank a lot of water and you think that you drank too much water and you swear you could hear the water moving inside your tummy (maybe that is just me but lets pretend you feel the same).  not only do i not want to puke when i sleep, (positive), i also dont have to think that, crap i feel lazy (see above).  one thing that goes through, i think, every person with cancer's brain is that no day can be wasted b/c you never know what tomorrow might bring (i could get hit by a bus!).  it feels wasteful to stay on the couch for five days every twenty eight days (my chemo cycle for the next year and a half).  but fuck it.  bring on the couch.

DO
1) say i look skinny ;)
2) say i look skinny while i am eating a pint of ice cream
3) the opposite of the don'ts

yay! do and don't of dealing with cancer people.  well, me.

i dont have internet

I really don't have internet.  Even my grandpa has internet.  I had a bad experience with atandt during my radiation and chemo cycle and i am scarred.  I just decided not to get it.  Ever.  Its sort of freeing - but it means i cant do anything internet related unless i go to a coffee place or a friends house or my old work. 
The reason i am telling you this is that the posts may not be as frequent as i would like.  But I will try to mooch off friends more often allowing me to blog :)


so i assume the first post should be how i got to the point of wanting to raise money for brain cancer research for people age 18-40.  Can you guess?   Oh yes! i have brain cancer and i am 35.  yay! i fit my own parameters! 

soooo on june 23 2010 i had a stroke and was diagnosed with brain cancer.  crazy.  i was walking to get sushi at work and i got this intense shooting pain in my head.  i went and got my sushi (its so good i coudlnt just abandon it) then went back to the office.  it got worse and i ended up on the floor basically screaming in pain. 

My co-workers decided i should go to UCLA emergency.  so i said, well i guess.  so i went.  i didnt even get to eat my sushi!  i almost left the emergency room because i was waiting for like an hour.  my friend who took me to the emergency room said, well maybe we should give it more time.  so i did.
i finally got called in and as i was walking to the bed in the hallway (really crowded) i walked right into a garbage can which i didnt see.  it was at that point when i realized i lost my peripheral vision on my right side.  that was the fucking scariest thing i have experienced in a very long time.  not only was it odd it made me realize that, hmmm this might not be a headache.

So i laid on my bed in the hallway and they tried to give me an IV.  i have horrible veins and after oh i say about 4 times, they decided to get a pediatrician to do it.  nice.

i got an mri or catscan, dont remember.  the resident on call came and sat next to me and in a sort of peppy voice told me there was something in the mri that wasnt supposed to be there, a mass of some sort.  i was so out of it that it didnt really register.  luckily i had friends there to call other people because i could not even really talk.

i was moved to a private room in the ER.  i looked like shit and was still disoriented.  i remember some neurosurgeon come in and i think he said they want to do some tests but it looks like a tumor and we probably need to take it out.  the only question i could think of to ask was if i was going to die that night.  he sort of laughed and said he was almost positive that i was not going to die that night.  so thats a positive!!!

the rest of that night was sort of a blur.  i remember them saying we need to get her to icu.  i kept saying, no i dont need to go there, that is for people who are really bad! that wasnt me, i had a fucking headache. 

i was moved to icu and this cute little nurse, who told me she was pregnant even though she hadnt told anyone else. i must have been stuck 10 times for a larger IV than a child's one.  she could not get it.  the other nurse coudlnt get it.  what they could do is make my arms look like one giant black and blue mark.  not cute.  im not sure if i even did get an iv before a central line was put in.  i guess it doesnt matter at this point. 

so i still didnt think i needed to be in icu.  i realized how really serious it was when they wouldnt let me stand up to pee.  the nurse said that doctor said you cannot move your head higher than where it is now.  they were worried about another stroke.  well, i dont remember anyone telling me i had a stroke before this, so that was a nice way to find that out....

more people came and luckily they did, or i would not know anything that happened.  I heard a comedian just say that when a doctor says to you that you will feel pressure, it means, this is going to fucking hurt and i dont want to freak you out before hand.  well, that is true!

anyway - i dont remember much of what happened next except i was told that the surgeon, when the surgery was over, went out and told my family and friends that i had cancer and i had six months to two years to live.  probably not what they were thinking was going to happen.
i remember personally being in the recovery room, wanting nothing more than water, and my aunt, mom, and cousin coming in to tell me and pretty much yelling at me not to listen to the prognosis.  not really something that is easy to do. 

the rest is a blur.  my friend has told me what happened multiple times but i dontyay brain!

so the non-profit idea came to me when during my five days of chemo every 28 days i decided to look up glioblastoma on the internet, even though i have done it before and it always made me depressed.  i think it finally clicked in my head that the statistics are based on people over 60 in poor health.  the 18-40 age group is completely un-represented with regard to research.  i am approaching my year anniversary of being diagnosed and i am freaked out because of the statistics.  there is a 1-2% that someone with my cancer lives past 1-2 years.  i need a better statistic because i dont want to fall into those shitty statistics.  research has to be done.  and im going to make it happen :) go me!

just fyi - i dont like apostrophes and i dont like to capitalize things.